Ceaselessly celebrated yet demonstrably talentless singer Beyonce has been suspect over bizarre symbology-rich videos, her occultic Coachella performance, and rumors of animal cruelty and black magic from former employees, but the real story has gone untold. Naturally gifted with the most massive ego in the music business, the distended diva recently released her new album named "Renaissance", dubbing it only "act one" of what is apparently to be her Magnum Opus. "Bey" allegedly begged arcane diety Baphomet for career assistance. Tragically her plea to this dark lord to possess the "biggest ass in entertainment" backfired when she wound up married to rapper/producer Jay-Z. After serving in satanic sacrifices with her spouse, she subsequentlysupplied her spawn to grooming at the hands of the showbiz machine. The cost of success would be the damnation she would share with her hubby: shooting advertisements for jewelry and perfume for eternity.